Da Commute: Episode One


I sometimes commute to the big city for work. I take the train and walk to the big building. When I walk, I typically stick to the skyways thinking that I’d see less crazy shit. Nope, that’s an incorrect assumption. The following are what I have experienced lately.

I’ve seen a gentleman in a motorized wheelchair in the skyway with an open bottle of beer in the cup holder. I didn’t know wheelchairs had cup holders, so imagine my surprise.

An open wrapper for a Lifestyles condom was strategically placed in the middle of the floor. Totally there as a joke in my opinion. It reminded me of a time in my youth when I worked at the gas station. Adjacent to the register was the minimal, insanely overpriced health and beauty items. And condoms. As a young male exited the gas station one evening, he shouted to me as he pointed at the condoms, “Good luck sellin them Lifestyles. Shit.”

Just this last Thursday as I was hauling ass to the train station a rather spooky looking dude who appeared to have been triple is actual age was walking the opposite direction of me. As we crossed paths, he pointed about 10 inches from my face and shouted, “I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU SMILE BY TELLING YOU THINGS.” Then he exited my life as quickly as he entered it, shouting crazy shit at other people.

I was sitting on the train waiting for departure when I swear that Rick James himself, wearing a Michael Jackson t-shirt, entered the car I was in. He was carrying a plastic shopping bag filled entirely with Hostess Cupcakes. It was apparent that he hadn’t showered for a while, or that he was a zombie. Plus, he changed seats about six times. Seriously.

If you’ve seen crazy shit on your commute or while utilizing public transportation, share your story below. Stay tuned for more installments of Da Commute.

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